HOBOKEN AND BEYOND -- Since basketball star Kris Humphries, the soon-to-be ex-husband of Kim Kardashian, is a former Hoboken resident (for about seven seconds), we feel justified in bringing you recaps of the new reality show in which he began starring immediately after moving out of Hoboken's luxury Tea Building this past August. Aren't you dying to know what your transient neighbor has been up to? No? Well, it's mindless fun to watch his life unfold (and unravel) with new wife Kim Kardashian, she of the famous family and fanny. So with that lame excuse done, on to the recap of episode 3 of "Kourtney and Kim Take New York"...
By the way, there was no recap of episode 2 because it was boring.
So in this past Sunday night's episode, Kim Kardashian brought Kris back to New York. If you saw the first episode, he had fled the family's Gansevoort Hotel suite to head to Minnesota, in order to train and to get away from Kim, her sister Kourtney, and Kourtney's babydaddy Scott Disick. Oh, and their cute (but loud in the morning) toddler, Mason.
So in episode 3, Kim goes to Minnesota and brings Kris back to the suite. As he tells the camera, "Marriage is about compromise." Yes, that's true. But a compromise would have been moving with Kim to a separate apartment in New York, not back in with the whole Krazy Krew. Oh well. He is probably tushey-whipped. (Did we really say that?)
Also in this episode, Kim contemplates starting a family with Kris. Her birth control pack has run out, so she tells her mother and sister that she thinks this is a "sign." Uh, no, Kim, they run out every month. It's a sign that you need to buy your next box of Stayfree superlong overnights and get a new prescription.
(Meanwhile, the tabloids keep suggesting that third sister Khloe is infertile because she hasn't had a baby in the three seconds since she married Dallas Maverick Lamar Odom. Hollywood, chill out already! Maybe she wants to keep eating albacore tuna a bit longer [ha ha, and by that we mean, drinking]. Besides, not everyone wants to rival the Duggar family before they even tie the knot, like Kourtney and Scott).
Speaking of Kourtney and Scott, they have the more interesting drama on this episode. Kourtney finds a dirty video on Scott's computer. It involves a butler and two maids. Scott responds that it's a very popular piece of porn, and besides, it's not like it's a dude with a horse or anything weird.
But Kourtney is scandalized. And rightfully so! This is wrong on so many levels. First of all, for it to be a good dirty movie, there has to be a class difference. What is erotic or forbidden about a butler and two maids? They'd all have been pressed together in Titanic steerage anyway. It should be the wealthy landowner who gets with the maids. Like a Thomas Jefferson type. Or if it was two sisters from a proper New England family, like the spinsters in "Grey Gardens," and they were getting all staunch with their cook, that would have been a good dirty movie. But not two maids and a butler.
So Kourtney's sister tells her, rightfully so, that maybe Scott wouldn't have to resort to watching an X-rated version of "The Help" if she actually slept in the same bed with him, instead of sleeping with her infant son every night. But who can blame her?
Anyway, Kourt and Scott head out on the town, and she flirts with some chicks, which Scott doesn't like. She teases him that he's all talk and no action. He agrees. He admits that a fantasy is just that, a fantasy. He also says that she's the love of his life and at the end of the day, she's his real fantasy. Awww!! He should have said that from the start. He also says that in truth, his fantasy is to get a really big TV and "eat and eat and eat." No, Scott, that's MY fantasy. No wonder Kourt likes him. He's a girl inside a man's body!
Meanwhile, we switched channels because Eli Manning (a true Tea Building resident) was lashing the Dallas Cowboys on another network, so we missed a lot of this episode. You can fill us in down below in the comments section.
At some point we switched back. And here's what happens: After Kim konvinces Kris to have kids, she changes her mind and decides it's too soon. (She does whatever mom Kris Jenner tells her.) So the episode ends with some eerie music as she heads to go tell Kris she changed her mind about something he wasn't sure of in the first place. They were desperate for drama with this episode, we guess. But not for long! There's a divorce coming. Divorce is divorce, of course, of course. And it's not because someone watched a video of a horse.
So stay tuned. And if you want to read normal news about Hudson County, New Jersey, including star-studded Hoboken, click here, for the Hudson Reporter newspaper group. Over and out.