SNOOKI & JWOWW-Ep.3: “It looks like a little meatball.”
This week’s episode is filled with lots of shopping, pooping and jokes about Snooki's boyfriend Jionni’s height. Although it's Jenni’s birthday, most of the episode’s focus was on Snooki’s pregnancy and engagement.
The episode starts off with JWOWW and Roger discussing Jionni’s bachelor party while Jionni and Snooki tune in to their convo. JWOWW makes it clear that Roger is not allowed to go. No strippers dancing around him. Jionni then says he’s “not doing a strip club" and claims he claims he doesn’t like strippers. “I think strippers are ----ing disgusting. I mean they’re sluts,” he says. I’m sure that Snooki trying to hook up with all the guys on the first day at the Shore wasn’t slutty and disgusting.
That night, the girls and their "guidos" head over to O’Connell’s Bar and Grill Restaurant on Montgomery Street in Jersey City to celebrate Jenni’s 27th birthday. Yay for Jersey City restaurants getting extra publicity!
While conversing, Jenni and Roger veer onto the topic of having kids. “My biological clock is ticking,” says Jenni.
Roger seems to get a little worried so he says he would have never been ready to have a kid at 27 and especially not at 24 like Snooki and Jionni. Roger shares some of his “wisdom” with Jionni. The “breaking of the balls” commences from this point on and it seems to never end.
“I’m a ball breaker by nature. I just break balls," Roger notes. I’m sure you do, Roger.
Apparently, Jionni wants to race boats in the next five years. He might have a kid on the way, but that won’t sidetrack him from achieving his dream. And why not? His sugar mama, Snooki, makes thousands of dollars per appearance. She can afford to buy him a few little toy boats to launch in the tub.
“Thank God you’re handsome, bro, cuz you’re not very bright,” Roger tells Jionni. Poor little (5’5 ish-maybe) guy.
After dinner, Jionni has to endure Roger’s mean rendition of the Oompa Loompa Willy Wonka song while leaving the restaurant. Jionni laughs it off. I don’t blame you, Jionni. Getting bullied by a body builder would make anyone nervous.
Back at the apartment, the gang cuts some cake for Jenni and Roger, without fail, continued to embarrass Jionni. “Let’s be honest about it for a minute. If we [Roger and Jenni] had a kid, you’d be the same size as our kid.” “I had a bigger bowel movement than you this morning.”
What a bully….hahahahaha!
The next day, Snooki and JWOWW take a trip to New Jersey Decorating Exchange to shop for animal print wallpaper to add some extra class to their home. “I want animal print. I want it to be very tacky,” Snooki admits.
Shocked by the total cost of their shopping spree ($1,132.40 to be exact), JWOWW attempts to get a discount by making a very attractive face. One no man could ever resist. “You do the sad lip and then you do like the batting of the eyes and usually it mostly works……unless you’re a grenade.” This appealing face decreases their total to a mere $642. And decreases the progress of the feminist movement by at least 10 years.
After that, the girls go to another store and run into a crappy situation. Snooki, having to poop and not wanting to “back up” the baby’s poop too, decides to use the store’s bathroom, only to find….there’s already unflushed poop in the toilet. YUCK.
Snooki and JWOWW’s day is just getting started. The girls start preparing for a trip to the sex museum in New York, and a ninja dinner.
At the sex museum, the girls discover that…it’s truly all about sex. “I was a little shocked,” said Jenni. A sign that read “Please do not touch, lick, stroke or mount the exhibits” caught the girls’ attention.
“I feel like a virgin in this place,” said Jenni. There's a first time for everything.
They quickly begin to learn about the details of animal sex. This show might just turn out to be somewhat educational after all. “I’ve never had sex with an animal,” Snooki notes. Doesn't 'The Situation' count?
After learning more than their brains could retain, the girls head to dinner. “Let’s pay for our d---os and go to dinner,” says Jenni.
The girls then go to New York’s Ninja restaurant, which, apparently, is based on a 16th century Japanese castle filled with ninjas who pop out and scare the customers. When the girls exit the elevator they experience their first scare and Snooki urinates on herself. If it’s not poop, it’s pee.
During dinner, Sensitive Snooki gets a little hurt when her BFF playfully calls her a pig because she said she and Jionni would be having sex at the restaurant after seeing the animal statues at the museum. Seemingly, this is why Snooki doesn’t finish all her food.
The next day, the girls go shopping at Kanibal Home in downtown Jersey City where Snooki and Jenni encounter a pregnant woman named Megan who confirms to Snooki that your vagina does in fact “rip to your butthole” when you give birth.
That evening, Snooki and JWOWW take a trip to the OB/GYN for Snooki’s first ultra sound. “I don’t know what [OB/GYN] stands for but all I know is it delivers babies," she tells us. On the way, Snooki is very nervous that her baby might have any type of growth problem. Well, he might not ever grow past four feet tall, but we’re sure he’ll be a healthy baby. With Jenni and Jionni by her side, Snooki becomes more comfortable. Snooki lays her eyes on her baby for the first time and she says “EWW. It looked like an alien.” Poor child.
Next week’s preview should be interesting as Snooki and Jenni invite their 'Jersey Shore' cast mates to their new pad for dinner to announce Snooki’s engagement and pregnancy. Tune in Thursday to find out their reactions.