Dear Dr. Norquist:
I have a problem with my girlfriend of one year. She feels more than I do in our relationship and thus has decided that she needs to break off our relationship. I feel very comfortable with the relationship, but I understand that to be supportive I must do everything I can to make her happy. I know it’s not my responsibility, but as her boyfriend I want her to be happy regardless. If she tells me to leave I know I must, but what do I do about our relationship after that? How do I react to this situation?
Dr. Norquist responds:
Your words suggest that you are mostly reacting to her feelings and actions. What do you feel? You are focusing on the outside. Look inside. What do you want? This is what she needs to know from you, and what you need to know for yourself. Discover your own truth – what is right for you. You are creating your own life, moment to moment. Seize ahold of this understanding and consciously create what you want for your life. Don’t just react to her or resign yourself to following her lead.
Spend some time looking within, asking what you want, and getting to know yourself. If you don’t want more involvement or commitment, ask yourself why. Does the relationship or the timing not feel right, or are you fearful? If you find you don’t want to lose this relationship, then state your feelings clearly and directly, and from your heart. Then you will know how to proceed in this relationship.
Check out Dr. Norquist’s new blog GrowingThroughParenting.com
(Dr. Sallie Norquist is a licensed psychologist (NJ #2371) in private practice and is director of Chaitanya Counseling Services, a center for upliftment and enlivenment, in Hoboken.) Dr. Norquist and the staff of Chaitanya invite you to write them at Chaitanya Counseling Services, 51 Newark St., Suite 202, Hoboken, NJ 07030 or www.chaitanyacounseling.com or by e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org. Questions can address various topics, including relationships, life’s stresses, difficulties, mysteries and dilemmas, as well as questions related to managing stress or alternative ways of understanding health-related concerns. 2018 Chaitanya Counseling Services