Waste not

To the Editor:

When I read in the newspaper that Dr. Thomas Tramaglini, the Superintendent of Schools in Kenilworth, had allegedly defecated on a high school field I was filled with fear that this might become commonplace among the superintendents here in Hudson County. As you know, our supers suffer from a herd mentality, a kind of monkey-see-monkey-do behavioral style. Just recall how that disastrous “progressive education” swept the land decades ago, slavishly following the foolhardy notions of the “pragmatist” John Dewey. If you want to know where that leads, just ask the head of the Union City teachers union: dirt bag kids, who are also dumb as bricks. And beyond being imitators, our Hudson supers exhibit a deep envy of those leafy suburbs like Kenilworth, which is near fancy Millburn and Westfield and close to trendy Cranford. What a superintendent there does will be repeated here, you can bank on it. Don’t we have enough of a problem in Hudson County with dog waste – watch your step — without adding the contributions of PhDs? I pray that this does not happen.
It’s also well known that our politicians are mad jealous of the superintendents, who insist on being addressed as “Doctor.” Yes, the pols crave and burn for signs of respect. I’m terrified that our mayors will follow the lead of Doctor Tramaglini. If they do, we could have a health crisis on a par with Flint, Michigan. Heavens above, with the mayoral election in Bayonne just over, let not this way of answering nature’s call catch on among the winner and two runners-up.
I think I hear some of your readers objecting that getting back to nature, so to speak, is a healthy thing. They’ll quote to me the famous poem – was it by Chaucer or Shakespeare or Yeats? I forget: “In days of old when knights were bold and toilet bowls weren’t invented/ You’d lay your load right on the road and walk away contented.” But I’m confident that most of your readers will agree with me: Let the superintendents and mayors not go medieval on us — times change.